In the past we've posted ads on Craigslist indicating a request for specific skillsets from potential candidates. Unfortunately due to the economy and time involved with the interview process, we think it's only fair to make a couple of points clear upfront:

We're not really that interested in hiring people of color, especially African American men. Let's face it...we just don't feel comfortable around you and we don't really like having to watch every word we say whenever one of you people walk in the room. That being the case, you can imagine our frustration and angst after taking the time to sift through the glut of resumes and perform phone screens when one of you manages to slip by. We're neither amused nor appreciative of your fooling us by neglecting to talk "Black" or speaking clearly and enunciating. It's not going to do anything but piss us off once you show up to the interview and we realize we're going to have waste the better part of a half-hour pretending like we're actually considering hiring one of you. If you think we're kidding, take the time to walk through our building and when you're finished ask yourself if you see anyone that looks like you in our office. We don't even like to hire dark-skinned Indians so please stop wasting our time with those applications.

Now we know some of you are going to ignore this and, because of the tough job market, decide you may be able to win us over with your personality if you can only make it to the interview so pay attention to how this is going to work if you're stupid enough to test the system:

1. You'll have individual meetings with 2 or 3 people from the group you're interviewing with and the first one will discretely alert the appropriate individuals in the event of a mixup that manages to let one of you darkies get through the front door. You'll know the gig is up becuase the female Supervisor you were suppossed to interiew with will suddenly be too busy to meet with you. In addition, we'll make sure you won't talk to any more than 2 other people, regardless of how many were originally scheduled to speak with you.


2. We'll probably send the last 2 people in just for show to ask some silly questions that aren't even in the remote vicinity of a relevant point with regards to the job you're applying for. They'll have a fake smile plastered over their face like they're trying to hold back gas on a hot summer day in a carpool traffic jam and do their best to nod their head up and down when you talk without looking you directly in the eye prior to shaking your hand with their arm straight out and stiff like it was attached to their sholder with Tonka Toy connectors...and then we'll say buh-bye.


3. In the event you're a top-notch candidate with no obvious flaws and you've really fooled us, we'll probably even call you back in for a 2nd Interview with another group - but you can count on only meeting one person that day because once we know you're not one of the colors we approve of you'd better believe we're not going to waste company time shooting the Breeze with your Black ass.


4. After all of this we'll have an internal meeting of the minds to try and figure out how in the Hell you got past us in the first place just to make sure it doesn't happen again before getting back to you to let you know that you're "overqualified". We figure that will keep your mind off the fact that any competent phone screen probably should've uncovered any "excessive" qualifications and hope you're too Stupid to figure out that you weren't overqualified until we saw what you looked like.

So save your time and your efforts. It's not a lie for us to say there are a lot of other companies you can apply to, but they just might not be as sophisticated as we are about weeding you out. So be considerate and don't waste our time forcing us to work you through the interview process because no matter how widely we fake smile we're not hiring darkies this year or anytime in the forseeable future. If you don't think this is fair feel free to take it up with our friend Michael Hutchinson at the Princeton Review.

Scotty SloBarge
James Spudley-Shock
White Sales-Force.Com
San Francisco, CA